Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
worst night to have a conscience
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
