C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
