you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
