I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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