just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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