i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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