how can u be prego again
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
