I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
