Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
