At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
