I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
