At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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