You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
