he shaved USA in his pubs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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