Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
