the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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