isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
