I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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