she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
