can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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