I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
