How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
