Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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