It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
