Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
