why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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