I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
