First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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