Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
