No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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