Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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