She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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