I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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