she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
