Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
