im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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