arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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