Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
