I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
