five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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