The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
