im holly from the hills drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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