just come out here and I will go home with you...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
