Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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