I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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