i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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