as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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