she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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