She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
