Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
