We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
