There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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