I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can't special order awesome
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
