Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
