Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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