drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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