PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
