She announced her abortion via fbk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
