Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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