I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
