I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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