I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
