Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
