we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
