dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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