I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
