A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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