im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
