i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Even my vagina gasped.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
