Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
