Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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