so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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