I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
