I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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