I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
