He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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