my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
