What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
