My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
