two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm too high and old for this...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
