...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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